Pandora [Comments Only]

Please post your comments/questions/concerns here regarding Pandora , the only true story I've ever finished.

And yeah, my writing isn't the best. I've taken classes. I've gotten better.

So, how are you going to post it? Are you going to do it little bits at a time...like...post a little bit of part one here, add a little there?

Llanu wrote:So, how are you going to post it? Are you going to do it little bits at a time...like...post a little bit of part one here, add a little there?

Sran(e). I don't have the time to post it all at once; my brother's going on his senior trip, and it's kinda hectic, because he does a lot of house-work and...
You get the idea, right?

Nice so far beyond a few typos and formating issues very nice.

My only main complaint is regarding this section:

"Have you gotten your immunizations?" I nodded slowly. "Very good," she turned the page
"Have you...," (Try to imagine that as Grace's voice fading, I guess...)

I believe there is a way to transition to the next paragraph without the parenthesis. You could say something like:

There were more than a few questions. After several hours of "Have you..." and "Are you..." Grace was finally satisfied and I was able to rest in my bunk.

Or (Assuming this is meant to be a narrative from the main characters point of view):

The questions blurred together in my head. After what felt like a long time I was finally able to rest in my bunk.

Or something along those lines.

Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

Nawm(a) irayo,
Admin

Admin wrote:Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

Nawm(a) irayo,
Admin

No problem and don't worry about credit. I gave up on my own FanFic so I hope I can help others.

Tsteu Nantang wrote:

Admin wrote:Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

Nawm(a) irayo,
Admin

No problem and don't worry about credit. I gave up on my own FanFic so I hope I can help others.

Well it's good you are willing
You never know when somebody (Ehem, me...hrh) might need a helping hand!